An excuse to use "thither"

Dodgers vs. Giants. Along with the Cardinals-Cubs and Yankees-Red Sox, there are no finer rivalries in baseball. Maybe in all of the world of sports. Aces on the mound. Jason Schmidt and Brad Penny. They both are also on the roster of Screwballs, my beloved fantasy team/manic obsession. What should I think about this? I do have two hitters for the Dodgers. So the ideal scenario would be for both pitchers to throw say, seven innings of perfect baseball, then in the top of the eighth, Russell Martin, the Dodgers' catcher can hit a grand slam off some poor Giants' reliever. I get a home run, two runs scored, assuming Wilson Betemit is on base, four RBI, a win, no damage to my WHIP or ERA. A perfect fantasy world. Well, we all know dear reader that there is no such thing as perfection, other than the seventeen official perfect games thrown in MLB history. Jason Schmidt gave up a lead-off single to Omar Vizquel, who eventually came around to score, after a wild pitch, a BBI, and two infield ground outs. Not necessarily in that order. The official fantasy line: 1 INN, HA, BBI, ER, 9.00 ERA, 2.000 WHIP. When will I learn that there are not many things in life over which I have less control than what 24 Major League baseball players are going to do on any given day? Sure, I can decide who to play and who to reserve (read: "bench"), but I am still left with 24 players, else my roster would be illegal, and nothing any of them did would count for anything. I sense your eyeballs are rolling back in your skull dear reader with all this excruciating baseball minutiae. Excruciating fantasy baseball minutiae at that. Bear with me just a bit longer. I have it from a reliable source that exercising the brain, even by analyzing baseball statistics, may prevent the onset of Alzheimer's. Valid? Perhaps. Rationalizing state of denial that I might have a problem? No way! I have a t-shirt that reads "BASEBALL IS LIFE, THE REST IS JUST DETAILS." I agree, but only in part. You see dear reader, baseball is the details as well. Meanwhile, it is now the bottom of the second, tied at one, Giants on the corners with only one out. Mr. Scully beckons me thither.