Unless you are so inclined

Lost in a dream. Not me. Excalibur. Stolen? By whom? My Dearest? No way. Like many things, too good to be legal? Google. Google. Google. The stamp is there. Several they are. The most recent list I could find. Not there. Whew! Or as Little Wing would write, "Hu!" Ramble on. Led Zep II. There was no watery tart. Genitive case? Slavically speaking, a must. But English? Describe the absence of something that was never there, save for a cameo in a work of fiction. Do it Dear Reader. Just do it. © ™ and/or whatever else you may desire. Within reason. Or not. If only. As if. Tick, tick, tick. Tock. Talk. Talk. No way. Not the Furs. Groovy. Please beware and don't bug on that Lifto dude.

You will be. You will be.

Louie brought a new bat to practice last week. Not quite a hundred-dollar bat. Ninety-nine. I didn't ask, but secretly hoped there were ninety-nine cents involved as well. And, Dear Reader, this bat is magic. Really. Truly. M-A-G-I-C. The proof is in the pudding. Large pearl tapioca. We yelled to Rusty to look both ways before crossing the street as he chased after a ball. That was new. So was K smacking one with authority out of the infield. In the air! As an aside D.R. I offer that K is not some semi-obscure pretentious reference to The Trial. Any trial. It is at it appears. Simply K. Friendly nemeses were warned of the magic bat. They reportedly scoffed. "We don't need a magic bat." The magic bat did not scare them. I am, I plea, not THAT much of a geek, but... Flashback:

“Your over-confidence will be your downfall.” - Luke Skywalker

“Your faith in your friends will be yours.” - Darth Sidious/The Emperor

Who needs friends when you have a magic bat? Or does that make me sound like a bat rastard? What would Yoda advise?

Don't stare. I'm hideous.

Now I've gone and done it. Upon closer examination it is not all that impressive. Some bark. Very little bite. Maybe just some gumming. It does save me nine key strokes. Maybe ten. Maybe eleven. (I was told there wouldn't be any math). My first macro. My only macro. Precious little macro on a now unsupported system. Unsupported for a very very long time now. But, Dear Reader, it's mine! All mine! And you can't have any. Nosirreebobcattail. You may not. Why would you want it anyway? Behold the macro!

'MacroName:DeleteItemCallNo
'MacroDescription:Delete Item Call Number
sub main

dim CS as Object
set CS = CreateObject("Catme.Terminal")

CS.Send "0226\r"
CS.Send "27\r\r"
CS.Send "y"
CS.Send "qm"

end sub

OK. I went back and counted the keystrokes. It saves me eleven of 'em. I knew you were wondering. I just knew it.

Title unavailable

I must write quickly Dear Reader. Before anyone realizes what is going on. I took a peek at my visitor map this morning. There was a message about it having crashed. So I went to MapLoco to try to replace the darned thing. It won't work. I have tried and tried. Then I tried again. I am very careful when I copy and paste. Especially when editing my template. Who wouldn't? I think this situation must have arisen because I noticed visits from India, Italy and Northern California. And then I had to be a smart ass and taunt them. I knew I shouldn't have tossed pancakes and sausages on sticks into a keyword searching algorithm. I hope it's not too

Enough said

Enough time has passed. It is now time. OK OK. I am being a wee bit disingenuous Dear Reader. I have put off long enough sharing this little anecdotal morsel. Too long. Sweet procrastination. Tomorrow always sounds better. Especially once it arrives under the guise of today. Or worse, NOW. Enough blah blah blah blah blah. Way back when I was setting up my computer in our new house, I hooked up all the peripheral devices. OK, I'm busted. Both of the peripheral devices. Unless you count the printer. Then it would be three peripheral devices. External hard drive. Speakers. Printer. When I went to check that all were working I was dismayed to discover that the speakers were not functioning. At all. I had already pushed the desk back up against the wall so this was going to be a real pain in the ... to fix. I pulled, carefully, very carefully, the desk out just so I could squeeze my hand behind it to get at the wires and their connections. Wiggle wiggle wiggle. Press press press. Windows Media Player. Crossed fingers. Nothing. Maybe the speakers were damaged during the move. They weren't all that expensive. I could just buy new ones. I did buy new ones. Optimism peeked from around the corner. The Byzantine snake pit of wires was navigated and the new speakers were in place. Again. Nothing. Nada. Zip. I threw in the towel, resigning myself to not being able to hear anything from my computer. I thought the sound card was damaged. I had no intention of trying to fix that. Time passed and I did not really miss audio at all. Really. Then one day while tooling around a bit on the computer, I noticed a setting for the speakers: MUTE ON.

It's a cloud

It rained all night. It rained this morning. It is raining right now. Softball practice this evening was in jeopardy. I always call Louie (not his real name) to consult about field conditions and such prior to canceling practice. We were in agreement. There should be no practice today. I called Peaches and sent the message to the Gummi Bears. But wait Dear Reader! There's more! Seems Louie banged up his knee at Saturday's tournament. My foot injury was aggravated as well. No, I am not done yet! To add insult to injury, Louie and I are are now tied in the Fantasy Baseball League. Tied for ninth place. Which is just a nice way of saying tied for tenth. As Louie's better half observed, we are not doing well, even in the armchair stuff. Sadness.

Let's see

Hmmmm. Interesting. The other day there were visits from Italy, India and Mountain View, California. Alleged visits. Stealthy visits. Black ops. Alien abductions. Nahh. My guess is RSS feed-prompted visits. Automated. A real person wouldn't dare. There was probably some funky keyword searching algorithm involved as well. Maybe MapLoco went a little, well, loco. To test my paranoid delusion I offer a few key words to raise a few eyebrows. Che. Anarcho-syndicalism. Jihad. Venezuela. Border crossing. Pancakes & sausage on a stick. Or, I am imagining the whole thing?